Heartache and Hope

For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of being a mother.  I dreamed of holding my child in my arms, of rocking my child, praying for my child, and teaching my child to love the Lord.  I have always dreamed of the day that I would be called Momma.  Over 6 years ago now my hopes came crashing down when I was diagnosed with Ovarian Failure and told that I would most likely never be able to conceive a child.  While I know there are other ways to have a child, and have always wanted to adopt, I now find myself more then ever longing to carry a child in my womb, to feel the kicks of tiny feet, to experience the sickness that one goes through with life growing inside.

As I look through the bible I come across so many stories, the stories of Sarah Elizabeth and Hannah (to name a few).  So many women of the bible found themselves in the same shoes that I find myself now.  Barren unable for whatever reason to experience pregnancy and child birth.  Yet I look at these woman EVERY single one of them has one thing in common... God heard their prayers, and blessed them. 

So why if these are the examples that have been given to me have I truly felt it wasn't going to happen.  Sure I would say "with God anything is possible" and I believed it, yet I still found myself asking questions like "who am I, to be given such a blessing", "why when there are so many women who are in my shoes would he choose to bless me", and thinking "I know Ill be a mom someday... but I  I had convinced myself that it will never happen to me, through pregnancy.

Let me dispel any rumors now, no I am not pregnant... Yet.  I have recently felt more challenged then ever to step out in faith and pray that God would bless me.  That he would bless me the way he blessed Sarah, Elizabeth and Hannah.  I know in my heart I am meant to be a mother, and I have found hope in the stories of the woman of faith who have come before us.  Our God is great! I speak now in faith that God will hear my prayer.

My heart cries out to the Lord, for He is great!

I rejoice in the deliverance I have found through him, for He has always been faithful!

Creator of all things, I give to you my heart, my desires and dreams. 

You Lord know the plans for me, and for that I am most thankful.  

I seek your blessing on our life Lord, the blessings my sisters Hannah, Elizabeth and Sarah received from you!  Open my womb as you did theirs, and bless us with healthy children.  Children that we might raise up to know you, and to love as you have called us to love.  Count each hair on their heads, knitting them together in my womb with great love and care.  

Take the doubt away from me Lord, and remind me constantly of your many blessings.  Continue filling me with your hope and peace.  You oh Lord are my stronghold.  We rejoice in you and in our answered prayers!  ~Amen