Faith and Fear

Dear Lord, today I find myself struggling with doubt and fear and worry.  So many emotions that would strive to overcome the Hope that I have found in you.  Take these feelings away Lord.  I know you are in control.  I have faith in you and know of your promises.  You oh Lord are in control and I know you Will answer our prayer.  I rejoice in your faithfulness and your mercy.  Hear my cry oh Lord, take pity on me and bless me with a child.  YOU LORD are great, and worthy of all our praise. 


I have to remember that even with faith and trust comes doubt and worry.  These emotions are real, and we can use them to remind ourselves once more of God's faithfulness. To pray for Gods will to be done and to remember that even if we worry and have a moment of questioning or doubt that God is still faithful and He is still in control. 

I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah.  Abraham knew God would grant him a child, and still they doubted. Instead of relying on God's faithfulness, they choose to make it happen with their servant Hagar, in a sense to answer their own prayers.  Now I do not believe they were making the decision to turn from God and His faithfulness, but it is so easy to become blinded with desire and want to be in control.  Does that mean that God choose to not be faithful? No, we see that He still gave Sarah and Abraham Isaac.   You see God's faithfulness is unending, even when we are not faithful.  HIS Glory will be revealed.


Father I rejoice in you, in knowing that no matter what YOU will reveal your glory in our lives.  It is not because of our strength, or the things we do, but because of WHO YOU ARE!  You Lord are great!  Reveal your glory in our lives, use us. In you Lord, I find refuge and peace.  As it says in your world Lord, lead us into a deeper understanding and expression of your love.  Give to us the patient endurance, that can only come through Christ Jesus. For we know in YOUR time our prayers will be answered. Amen




May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.~2 Thessalonians 3:5 (New Living Translation)

For Gods Glory not my blessing

As I continue to pray for Gods hand in our life and for the incredible blessing of a child, I find myself convicted.  I find myself convicted to check myself, to be aware of what I am thinking and feeling and why.  I want to make sure that nothing I am not praying out of pride, or with arrogance.  Those of you who know me are probably thinking, as my husband stated "that wouldn't even be an issue with you".   He and you might be correct, but I also don't want to come across that way.  More then that I want to continually make sure that through this whole thing no matter what happens that people will see GOD's power, mercy, and love.  I want people to look at Him for the blessing rather then at me for how I have been blessed.  I don't know if this even makes any sense or if I am stating it clearly.  I wanted to write a post about these feelings so that I would have them somewhere that I could look back on and remember.  Our God is great, and yes while I am asking Him to bless me I never want to forget whats most important, and to forget why things happen.  I was touched and reminded again through the sermon yesterday that while sometimes the sickness or trails we go through in our lives are a direct result of sin more often they are a means for God to reveal His    Glory to the world. So while I have struggled for years and years wondering if this infertility was some how a result of me being unworthy, or not good enough, or questioning why would God choose me to bless... I realize now more then ever that it is God using me, and I want to have the faithfulness of Job through this time so that God's Glory will be revealed!  That people will see how He is working in me and how He can work in them!  God is awesome and is worthy of our praise!!

I come to you Great God to rejoice in your faithfulness.  I seek you in this time, seek more knowledge and truth.  The more we learn of your ways, the more we can teach of them to others.  We seek your blessing in our lives, that you would hear the desperate cries of my heart and would bless us with children.  Healthy children that we can raise to know of your Glory.  We pray that you would reveal your Glory to the world.  That when people see our lives they would know of your faithfulness and mercy and that they would be drawn to YOU!  We are your faithful servants and we rejoice, we rejoice in your unending love and your Great BLESSINGS! ~Amen

Heartache and Hope

For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of being a mother.  I dreamed of holding my child in my arms, of rocking my child, praying for my child, and teaching my child to love the Lord.  I have always dreamed of the day that I would be called Momma.  Over 6 years ago now my hopes came crashing down when I was diagnosed with Ovarian Failure and told that I would most likely never be able to conceive a child.  While I know there are other ways to have a child, and have always wanted to adopt, I now find myself more then ever longing to carry a child in my womb, to feel the kicks of tiny feet, to experience the sickness that one goes through with life growing inside.

As I look through the bible I come across so many stories, the stories of Sarah Elizabeth and Hannah (to name a few).  So many women of the bible found themselves in the same shoes that I find myself now.  Barren unable for whatever reason to experience pregnancy and child birth.  Yet I look at these woman EVERY single one of them has one thing in common... God heard their prayers, and blessed them. 

So why if these are the examples that have been given to me have I truly felt it wasn't going to happen.  Sure I would say "with God anything is possible" and I believed it, yet I still found myself asking questions like "who am I, to be given such a blessing", "why when there are so many women who are in my shoes would he choose to bless me", and thinking "I know Ill be a mom someday... but I  I had convinced myself that it will never happen to me, through pregnancy.

Let me dispel any rumors now, no I am not pregnant... Yet.  I have recently felt more challenged then ever to step out in faith and pray that God would bless me.  That he would bless me the way he blessed Sarah, Elizabeth and Hannah.  I know in my heart I am meant to be a mother, and I have found hope in the stories of the woman of faith who have come before us.  Our God is great! I speak now in faith that God will hear my prayer.

My heart cries out to the Lord, for He is great!

I rejoice in the deliverance I have found through him, for He has always been faithful!

Creator of all things, I give to you my heart, my desires and dreams. 

You Lord know the plans for me, and for that I am most thankful.  

I seek your blessing on our life Lord, the blessings my sisters Hannah, Elizabeth and Sarah received from you!  Open my womb as you did theirs, and bless us with healthy children.  Children that we might raise up to know you, and to love as you have called us to love.  Count each hair on their heads, knitting them together in my womb with great love and care.  

Take the doubt away from me Lord, and remind me constantly of your many blessings.  Continue filling me with your hope and peace.  You oh Lord are my stronghold.  We rejoice in you and in our answered prayers!  ~Amen