Choices

I have begun and deleted this post multiple times. I sit here, wanting to update but struggling to find the words.

Adoption.... I have found that the word adoption brings a LOT of unsolicited advice, comments, and Questions.

"Why don't you just go through the state?"

"What made you choose your agency?"

"Oh, you're doing domestic adoption? You should be doing international. There are so many kids in orphanages!"

"That's GREAT! You know once you get approved for adoption, you will get pregnant!"

"You know once you get approved, you'll get pregnant and then won't have to adopt!"

"You know you could get pregnant after you adopt (yes, I get forms of this one a LOT)"

"You know if you adopted an older kid, you could have one now and not have to wait!"

"Kids are overrated"

"Why do you want a child that bad anyway? You should just enjoy the blessing of being together!"

When we began our journey with infertility, we got a lot of questions and comments too. I know people mean well, they want to be encouraging, and often times they just don't know very much about what they are talking about.

There are many avenues to parenthood for those who can't get pregnant naturally, if they desire to go in that direction (I am sure I don't even know them all).

For some, they can do fertility treatments: IUI, Invetro, drugs like Clomid and Progesterone, or surgeries, being stuck with a needle sometimes several times a week, all in an effort hopefully to have that child you long to hold in your arms. Then, there are the options of surrogates and egg donations, all unique and all providing their own possible percentages and rates of success.

Then you get into adoption. But there isn't just one option here either. There are options to go through the state system, infant adoption or older child, international adoption, private adoption, and even embryo adoption.

ALL of these paths to parenthood can be long, painful, and heartbreaking processes. I kept looking for the "Quick and Easy, Pain-free process"... if any of you have found it, I'd love to hear it! Not only do you as an individual have to look at all your options to figure out which direction to go, you then have to come together with your partner to agree on a decision together! What you think might be best for you and what is best for the couple (as we learned through this journey) do not always align. 

Navigating these waters is something I pray you never have to experience, and if you have, please know you are not alone!

I have found through all of this that your decision to become a parent or even become a parent again is an intensely personal decision. We as human beings want to connect with one another, and we take these personal decisions and share them with our family and our friends; and from what I can gather, we aren't looking for quick responses, seeking approval, or needing advice. We just need someone to hear us, to love us, and to journey next to us. A smile and a hug (provided you are a hugger like me) is the best encouragement you can give someone sometimes.

We have chosen to do private infant adoption. We have been approved by our agency (signatures pending), and now we are about to embark on the next part of this process...WAITING TO BE CHOSEN.